Alright, folks—buckle up because it’s time to meet the man, the myth, the mullet: Larry "Always-Late" MacIntyre. If you’ve been around the local rink long enough, you’ve probably heard the legend of Larry, but now it’s time to put a face (and a mullet) to the name. Larry isn't just any guy—he's the go-to guru of hockey knowledge at the local shop, Lillehammer Sport, and he’s been roped into the Crazy Hockey Dad family as our latest character. Trust me, this guy is a beauty in all the right (and wrong) ways.
The Know-It-All with the Mullet That Never Quits
Larry’s not just another beer league player; he’s practically the beer league player. The guy knows every stat, every stick model, every bit of hockey history you didn’t know you needed. The only thing longer than his mullet is the list of tips he has for you about how to improve your toe drag or tighten your tape job. He’s the king of unsolicited advice, but you kinda love him for it, even if his "pro tips" come mid-shift while you’re trying not to trip over your own skates.
Legendary Lateness, Legendary Laughs
Here’s the kicker though—Larry’s never on time. I mean, never. He’s got more excuses for being late than a Zamboni driver with a hangover. Whether he’s missing from the first period because he "lost track of time" or he shows up halfway through a shift with a coffee in one hand and his gear in the other, Larry’s lateness is legendary. The boys chirp him non-stop, but they know that when Larry finally shows up, he’s bringing the goods—whether it’s a game-changing play or just a pack of energy drinks he bought in bulk.
Speaking of Energy Drinks…
Larry’s got a bit of an energy drink problem. You’ll find empty cans of the stuff littering the backroom of Lillehammer Sport, the locker room, and his beat-up old car. His coworkers? They’ve all given up trying to get him to stop. At this point, they’re just trying to dodge the cans that roll out from under the counter. And if you’re wondering how Larry keeps that mullet looking so fresh, it's probably a combination of caffeine, adrenaline, and sheer willpower.
Tattoos and Toe Drags
When Larry’s not breaking down the perfect toe drag technique, he’s probably working on his side hustle—tattooing. Yep, you read that right. Larry’s got more ink on his body than a penalty box has chirps, and he’s been slinging tats for a while now. Hank’s even been considering letting Larry slap a Crazy Hockey Dad logo on his arm (or maybe his back—Hank hasn’t quite decided yet). The ink runs deep with this one.
So, next time you’re at the rink or wandering into Lillehammer Sport, keep an eye out for Larry. He’ll be the one with the mullet, the energy drink, and probably a couple of fresh tats. Oh, and if you’re waiting on him, give him an extra 10 minutes—he’ll show up, eventually.
Stay waxed, stay mulleted, and stay tuned for more adventures with Larry, Hank, and the Crazy Hockey Dad crew.
— Hank